Kids and Grandkids: How to Talk With a Loved One Who Has Dementia

When a parent or grandparent is living with dementia, one of the hardest things for families is watching communication become more difficult. Kids and grandkids often want to connect, but they don’t know what to say—or how to say it—when words don’t come easily anymore. The good news is, there are simple ways to make those conversations meaningful, even when dementia reduces communication.

Why Communication Changes

Dementia affects the brain areas responsible for speech, understanding, and memory. A loved one might struggle to find words, repeat themselves, or lose their train of thought. This can be confusing for children, who may expect conversations to be the same as before. Helping them understand that it’s the illness—not the person—causing these changes can ease frustration.

What Kids and Grandkids Can Do

1. Keep It Simple

Short, clear sentences work best. Instead of asking, “What did you do today?” try something more specific, like, “Did you enjoy breakfast?” This makes it easier for your loved one to respond.

2. Be Patient

Sometimes it takes longer for someone with dementia to find the words. Encourage kids to wait quietly and not interrupt. A smile or gentle touch can help fill the silence.

3. Focus on Feelings, Not Facts

Your loved one may not remember details, but they still feel emotions. Encourage kids to share things that spark joy—like saying, “I love you,” giving a hug, or showing a picture. Even if the words don’t always make sense, the feelings behind them are powerful.

4. Use Nonverbal Communication

Smiles, hand-holding, eye contact, and laughter go a long way. Kids can draw pictures, sing songs, or show a favorite toy or photo. These gestures can connect even when words are hard.

5. Ask “Yes or No” Questions

Open-ended questions can be overwhelming. Instead, kids can ask: “Do you want tea or coffee?” or “Should we look at this photo album together?” This makes it easier for the person with dementia to respond.

6. Enjoy Shared Activities

Sometimes the best communication happens without words. Encourage kids and grandkids to do simple activities together—listening to music, coloring, gardening, or baking cookies. These moments often mean more than a conversation.

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

It’s okay if kids feel unsure. A few safe, gentle starters include:

• “I love being here with you.”

• “This picture is funny—look!”

• “You make me happy.”

• “Let’s sing our favorite song together.”

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Remind kids that it’s less about what they say, and more about simply being present.

Final Thought

Dementia may change how someone communicates, but it doesn’t take away their need for love and connection. Kids and grandkids don’t have to have perfect words—they just need patience, kindness, and creativity. Smiles, hugs, laughter, and time together often speak louder than any conversation.

Encourage young family members to see that their presence is the real gift. Even when words fade, love is still understood.

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