Why Does My Partner Living With Dementia Follow Me Everywhere?
- Mark Synot
- Dec 6, 2025
- 2 min read
If your partner is living with dementia, you may notice that they follow you from room to room, rarely letting you out of their sight. This behavior, often called “shadowing,” is very common—but that doesn’t make it any less exhausting for caregivers. Understanding why it happens can help you respond with compassion while also finding ways to care for yourself.
Why Shadowing Happens
For someone living with dementia, the world can feel confusing and unpredictable. Memory loss, disorientation, and changes in judgment can make it hard to feel safe or secure. You, as the caregiver, become their anchor—their source of comfort, familiarity, and reassurance.
Shadowing often happens because:
Fear of being alone – They may worry they’ll get lost, forget what to do, or feel unsafe.
Anxiety and confusion – New environments or even daily routines can feel overwhelming.
Loss of independence – As abilities change, your presence provides confidence.
Attachment and comfort – Just as a child looks for a parent, a partner with dementia may seek closeness to feel calm.
While it comes from a place of trust and need, shadowing can be incredibly demanding for caregivers.
The Impact on Caregivers
Being followed constantly can leave you feeling:
Overwhelmed and drained – You never get a moment to yourself.
Trapped – Even basic tasks like using the bathroom or stepping outside can feel impossible.
Guilty – You may love your partner deeply but still crave personal space, which can bring feelings of guilt or resentment.
Stressed – The constant presence can heighten tension and reduce patience, making caregiving harder.
It’s important to remember that these feelings are normal. You’re human, and caregiving requires balance between their needs and your own.
Practical Strategies to Cope
Create a safe space – Set up a comfortable area with familiar items, music, or photos where your partner feels secure when you step away.
Use reassurance – Gentle reminders like, “I’ll be right back,” or leaving a note in view can ease anxiety.
Introduce calming activities – Engaging them with a puzzle, simple chores, or favorite TV shows can provide short breaks.
Involve others – Ask family, friends, or respite care providers to spend time with your partner so you can recharge.
Maintain routines – Predictable daily schedules reduce anxiety and the need to constantly “check in” on you.
Seek support for yourself – Caregiver support groups (online or in-person) are a safe place to share experiences and coping strategies.
Final Thought
When your partner follows you everywhere, it’s not about control—it’s about seeking comfort in a confusing world. While it can feel overwhelming, understanding the “why” behind shadowing can soften your perspective. At the same time, your needs as a caregiver matter just as much. Finding ways to create small moments of space and support will help both you and your partner navigate the dementia journey with more patience, compassion, and resilience.
Remember: caring for yourself is part of caring for them.
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